I hate your face
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
