your parents love me but you hate me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize