there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
