Just fell off a train. Bad.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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