Only a mothe r could love this liver
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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