He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
