I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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