She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize