My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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