i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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