i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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