I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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