i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
