he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
