she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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