i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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