Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
