ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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