He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
