Your mouth is God's brothel.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
