Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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