is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
