remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
