Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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