Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You're like the curious george of whores
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.