It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.