well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word