Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.