I hate all girls vehemently.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
