you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
