i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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