his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
