And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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