There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come on in and take your pants off
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