Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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