well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
