and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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