I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
