I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
