Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
