Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
