Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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