you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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