It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
