sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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