I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
