I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
