i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just pee around me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
