i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
