I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
