So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
