We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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