like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
