She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
