he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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