Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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