dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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