So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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