Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
