i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
