She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
