im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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