Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
