3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
