8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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